I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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