Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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