I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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