i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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