I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
