Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Randomize
