This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
