how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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