I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
