I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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