I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
