just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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