apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
