Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
