anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
