for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
