I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
