Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
