if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
17 year olds will be the death of me.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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