I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
