Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
