is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
