do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
