I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
