Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
