I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
worst night to have a conscience
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
