I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
