So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
