I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
