Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
