Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
