idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
