What a fucking waste of an outfit
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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