you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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