Kiss
Puke
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
