Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
