i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
