Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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