Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
