Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
