Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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