my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I need a burrito and a hug.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
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