i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
