I smell stomach acid.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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