so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
