I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
