I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
my poor anus
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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