Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
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