Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I want to fling myself into the sun
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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