I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
