I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Randomize
