I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
